Dua Ribu Empat Belas

It's the weekend. Some of us may be spending quality time with family and friends, while some are strolling around the new town that they just move in.

While me, I'm trying to figure out some unbearable questions that are running around my head lately.

It's okay not to be okay? I mean, it's really okay?

I don't know...

Recently, these feelings hit me really hard. Sometimes, I believe we're trying to make everyone laugh but we failed, we're always there for everyone no matter how busy we are but we don't have time for ourselves, we stay up late thinking about the future and problems but they never solved, and we always put ourselves before others because we care for them too much. We think it's okay because people are so happy to be with us since we are such a good listener.

I bet, all these thoughts must have been there for a while.

People see the outer side of us but they never know what's inside. If they don't notice that, Congratulation! we have perfectly displayed ourselves as a cheerful and problem-less person despite the coldness we bear alone. So, I wanna ask you again. Are we that okay?

After a while spinning on the bed, let me tell you something. You deserve to care about yourself too and finally realize what I wrote above was just a lie.

A lie that you tell yourself to keep pretending as if you are okay. In fact, you actually feel like you're always alone, you miss being a kid who's free from burden, you feel broken inside that you can't share with anyone, and you absolutely miss someone right now but you can't tell them.

Sound familiar? How relatable are these to you?

Not to mention, especially for fresh graduates, we overthink too much about our life after graduation. I understand the hardship to secure a job in this pandemic. It so hard, like super hard.

They said we should enroll in many online courses, YES WE DID! They said we should do part-time jobs, YES WE DID! They said to start a small online business while waiting and AGAIN, YES WE DID!

... until we miss out on the fun of it.

You know what, sometimes we don't have to be that strong to say "I'm okay" all the time.
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because it's okay not to be okay.

Hi all! So, we’re here again with another topic to be discussed!

Should I practice Winter Sonata or Kiss the Rain? 

BECAUSE I JUST BOUGHT A NEW ELECTRONIC PIANO from UKAcademyofMusicGuitar (visit shopee)!

Oh, it’s my dying wish to have my own piano since I’ve actively involved in the orchestra for quite a while during high school.

Did I ever tell you that? (If not) I was an orchestra conductor for my school band. We performed a number of concerts, also both formal and informal shows. Those were the glorious days. Quite busy and tiring since I had SPM and practice every day, but worth it.

Reminiscing the day, aku main kejar-kejar dengan co-supervisor, HECTIC!

--- Okay aku nak tulis Bahasa Melayu harini. Hm.. okay lah campur-campur lah.

Masa tu seminggu lagi before nak balik Kedah, I don’t really remember for what holiday but;

YES, I’M RUSHING! Sebab aku kena submit hardcopy final year project before Jumaat tu.

Sedia maklum, co-supervisor aku nih memang busy orangnya. Kira macam orang penting jugaklah dalam fakulti tu. So, lepas aku dapat confirmation from my actual supervisor, aku terus pergi bilik co-supervisor untuk dapatkan signature dia pula. Guess what, dia takde! *tak terkejut pun*

Jadi, aku try buat appointment thru email, aku called, and went to his office almost every day but I got no answer. Damnnnn aku ada lagi 2-3 hari je nih!

All I need is a signature! Itu je.

So, on Thursday (if I’m not mistaken), I almost gave up and decided to delay my submission to next week sebab memang susah betul nak jumpa dia. Dengan kelas lagi, mashaAllah dugaan duniyaa! 

Macam biasa, rutin hampir setiap hari aku akan makan dekat Plaza Siswa (lunch place) dengan classmate. Tapi haritu aku rasa mcm nak gerak dulu and tak tunggu geng aku untuk balik bilik sekali. 

TIBA-TIBA aku nampak co-supervisor aku tengah start motor dia dekat block sebelah.

So aku pun tunggu apa lagi. Memang lari turun tangga sambil sebut2 Naruto justu lah hahaha. Lebih kurang macam gambar ni tapi rambut aku hitam la. Kalau color nanti mak marah.

SIR!! TUNGGU JAP!! NAK SIGN!! Orang semua tengok sebab aku kejar motor dia and jerit nama macam orang takde pedoman. Pergh nasib baik dia dengar and stop. Tapi apakan daya, time tu semua orang usha aku semacam je hahahha. Takpe yang penting co-supervisor aku stop!

Aku pun bagi tahu la yang aku nak t/tangan dia untuk submit fyp, tapi dia pun actually rushing nak pergi ambil anak dia sekolah. It’s okay. So, we decided to meet tomorrow morning at 10 AM.

Alhamdulillah everything dah settle and aku pun tunggu apa lagi. PETANG TU JUGA AKU BALIK KEDAH! HAHAHAHAHHA!!!

Bila teringat balik, malunya ya Allah... Hahahaha

Siapa pernah ada pengalaman macam nih? Sumpah malu hahaha. Share sikit dekat komen! Mana tahu ada yang kejar kereta supervisor pula T^T