Dua Ribu Empat Belas

It's the weekend. Some of us may be spending quality time with family and friends, while some are strolling around the new town that they just move in.

While me, I'm trying to figure out some unbearable questions that are running around my head lately.

It's okay not to be okay? I mean, it's really okay?

I don't know...

Recently, these feelings hit me really hard. Sometimes, I believe we're trying to make everyone laugh but we failed, we're always there for everyone no matter how busy we are but we don't have time for ourselves, we stay up late thinking about the future and problems but they never solved, and we always put ourselves before others because we care for them too much. We think it's okay because people are so happy to be with us since we are such a good listener.

I bet, all these thoughts must have been there for a while.

People see the outer side of us but they never know what's inside. If they don't notice that, Congratulation! we have perfectly displayed ourselves as a cheerful and problem-less person despite the coldness we bear alone. So, I wanna ask you again. Are we that okay?

After a while spinning on the bed, let me tell you something. You deserve to care about yourself too and finally realize what I wrote above was just a lie.

A lie that you tell yourself to keep pretending as if you are okay. In fact, you actually feel like you're always alone, you miss being a kid who's free from burden, you feel broken inside that you can't share with anyone, and you absolutely miss someone right now but you can't tell them.

Sound familiar? How relatable are these to you?

Not to mention, especially for fresh graduates, we overthink too much about our life after graduation. I understand the hardship to secure a job in this pandemic. It so hard, like super hard.

They said we should enroll in many online courses, YES WE DID! They said we should do part-time jobs, YES WE DID! They said to start a small online business while waiting and AGAIN, YES WE DID!

... until we miss out on the fun of it.

You know what, sometimes we don't have to be that strong to say "I'm okay" all the time.
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.
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because it's okay not to be okay.