Thank you, next

November 15, 2018

photo by: @aimanadzemin

It's raining and I'm thinking about writing a love story right now.
.
.
.

Yes, a (self) love story.

No doubt, I also have ups and downs in my life. I could say that I'm an overthinking person which sometimes it could make me turn sober and confuse and that confusion was unbearable.

Did I tell you that I actually really really REALLY want to get into Universiti Malaya (UM)? That was my only dream since my time in primary school. And I actually got the offer to pursue my foundation in Life Science after SPM (because I want to be a Pharmacist) but here I'm, in MMU, taking IT courses. It's hard to let go what we have always wanted, I know. 

"Hey, just go with the flow", they said.

I've come a long way from that "advice". I trusted myself that I always have a second chance. I asked myself a lot of questions like: What do I really need? How do I get all I need? Did I make the correct decision? Should I go or not? and I listened very carefully to the answers and where my heart is leading me. Not only that, I also accepted and asked for help from others.

...but you know,

People.

Come.

And.

Go.

, and I understood that I could not stop anyone to leave. 

BUT HONESTLY, THAT WAS THE MOST PAINFUL PART.

Some people I want to keep forever, somehow, at some level.  Learning to let them go completely is hard.  However, I have heard that missing people is part of the healing process.  I am thankful for all of the people who have come into my life.  

But I really have to say this; Some I miss dearly, some I think about often, some I wish I could just call up like I used to and tell about random things. Talk about all those stupid things like we never get bored. I miss everything about us. (thanks to those who stay)

However, I am learning to allow people to move in and out of my life.  It is a hard lesson. When a best friend is no longer a best friend.  When a person I thought could be “it” does not end up being it in the end.  When a relationship that I never thought it would end with… and I still wonder “why?” or “how?” it ended. (dude, writing this hurts my eyes)

I do not have all of the answers.  What I do have are life experiences and a learning willing spirit. I used to run from my vulnerability by trying to be perfect but I know I'm not a perfect human.

If you think that life sucks and hurts you so much, it doesn't, but it teaches you. Maybe you didn't get what you always wanted, but I believe that you got exactly what you needed. 

This is my (self) love story.

To all people and those things happened in my life:
Thank you, next.

Now, it's your turn. Leave your thought or link in my comment box if you have also written about your (self) love story. I'm so honored to read.



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11 comments

  1. hihi. enjoy je your life kat mmu tu dik. akak pernah dulu rasa down juga bila mana tak dapat belajar dalam course yang dicintai.huhu.. tapi tu kisah lama, malas nak ingat balik

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    Replies
    1. Hi DP! yess I'm enjoying my MMU life rn. It's okay no need to ingat hahaha

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  2. Completely feel the same thing as how you feel here. Sometimes i’m asking myself, “am i leaving them or they leave me?” And i try to get close back with the people that i think ‘leaving’ me, but it’s sad knowing that i didnt get the same energy back from them :( and i start thinking, maybe it’s time for me to go and move out from their lives too. I miss them so much, but yea what can i do, i feel like they dont need me anymore. Noticing people leave from you is sad, like we tried our best to reach them back but still they choose not to us anymore. And sometimes i pujuk myself back cakap “it’s okay Najwa, at least kau try nak reach diorang balik daripada tak try langsung”. So, yeah, we must accept the fact that people come and go but there is one thing that stays, which is called ‘memories’.

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  3. i dont have any ambition tbh but my parents want me to do medic stuff but i am now studying comp sc in um. i feel like a failure bcs i know i had disappoint them and i feel like i wont excel lol i guess it takes time to redha with all these bcs it hurts so much

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  4. How much someone means to us, doesnt define how much we meant to them

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  5. Hi Amer! One thing I would want to say to you is that, if you don't want people to leave, make them stay. Don't leave them hanging, always talk to them and never ever, ghost yourself. That hurts to them too, okay? Right now, don't think about those who left you but think about those whom you'll meet later. Have a good life ❤️

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  6. I am the type that will just go with the flow too. Studying English was never on my list. I always thought I would end up as a doctor; a psychiatrist or probably a gynecologist. Despite the chances to pursue those courses, I somehow just lay it flat in a coffin, wave a goodbye just because of a 'challenge' that could actually be overcome if and only if I decide to just go against the current.
    But I didn't.

    Lol. Nevertheless, I love doing English, it's cool and I am surprised by never ending potential and adoration I can end up with (unconsciously too!) Allah SWT is the great planner after all. I decided that 'ah, I will become a doctor in English jelah.' Pintu ada banyak, the route too.

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  7. hey dude. we face have the same story. i was soooooo eager to become a doctor and my whole family (including my atok and nenek) put high expection to me as i got 10As in my spm. they hoped that i will end up with medicine. time goes by, and I'm now doing dietetics. which this course in unknown to these old-school people like makcik-makcik bawangs. they look down to my course. can u imagine how i need to face them during family gathering. im being ignored and seems no future and no job opportunity after graduate later.

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  8. this hurts. and I dont think I can ever talk about mine.

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  9. moving on from an abusive relationship, i do love him but its better for us to stay away from each other.

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  10. hi.. content blog menarik.. lets blogwalking and click iklan..done follow u.. follow me back.. http://acuyuhan.blogspot.com/ thanks

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